Only a Dream

Last night I had a dream that felt so happy and light only to wake to a realization that brought me to tears. My sister and I were sitting on the bed in our old room laughing and talking when my dad came walking down the hall. He was smiling and laughing, probably cracking some joke with us. He had a slight limp, but he was otherwise healthy. I joyfully pointed out that not too long ago, he couldn't walk at all. Now he was healed and everything was back to normal, only better.

Suddenly I awoke and immediately realized that my dad was gone. He had not been healed while here on earth. I began to sob. What a cruel dream. I knew my dad was walking, talking and singing in heaven, no longer bound by ALS, but how sweet it was in my dream to have him back with us. To see his smile and hear his laugh.


Change is hard. It's been nearly two years since Daddy died, but the change that his absence has left is permanent. That's difficult to grasp sometimes. Our family dynamic has changed. My sisters and I lost the man that we knew would come to our rescue, if we asked. My brothers lost their closest confidant and mentor. My mom lost the love of her life and best friend. Change is hard. As I write this, I feel like a little girl again who needs her daddy. We didn't have the most affectionate relationship, but my dad could always be counted on. Even as an adult, or maybe especially as an adult, I knew he was there for me when I needed him.


Now that I am older, so many of my friends and family have lost or are losing their parents. It seems to be the stage of life that we are in or are coming into. Grown men, like my husband, who have had close relationships with their dads, feel lost without them, at least at first. Who do they go to now for fatherly advice or a listening ear? A dad is a dad no matter how old you are. The void is never really filled. There are those who have lost their mothers, the heart of their homes. The glue that seemed to hold everything and everyone together. Entire families can feel lost. I know I would feel lost without my mom.


Life changes come in many ways, but none so hard as the loss of a loved-one. That change is permanent. I can think of those whom I know personally that have lost a sister or brother who was not only a sibling, but a friend. Women my own age who have lost their babies, a loss that only a parent could comprehend.


So what do we do? How do we get past the hurt and the emptiness. The sadness and pain? The only way I know is to run to the One who knows our hurts, who feels our pain and wants to bring comfort to our hearts. Psalm 34:18 tells us that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Jesus knows this life is hard. He knows the pain of loss and heartache. Jesus, knowing he could heal Lazarus, wept with compassion at the pain of his friends. Jesus cares for us. 1 Peter 5:7. Psalm 27:10 says, “Even if my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will take me up.” Though parents lost in death haven't forsaken their children, they are still gone. The Lord will hold us close.


In this life, we will have heartache. We will face many changes. We all need God's comfort to get through and wisdom and strength to move forward. Even when we don't understand and are even angry with God, the best thing to do, the only thing to do, is to run TO Him, not from Him. He is our refuge from the storm. Our anchor of hope. Hebrews 6:19

Psalm 18:2 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.