There it was. The type of email I dread. I was the target of
someone’s frustration. As I sat there reading, my heart tightened and my
temperature rose. Actually, I had nearly expected it, but that still didn’t
make it right. One well-intentioned, non-threatening question had been taken
the wrong way. I didn’t deserve this
full-on aggression. What on earth!?
What makes a situation like this worse is when it comes from
someone who knows you…or at least should.
When someone who should know your heart thinks the worst of you, it
hurts. When someone doesn’t give you the benefit of the doubt, especially when
there is nothing to justify the onslaught of fiery feelings and words, it
stinks.
Now I could have replied in kind and given as good as I had
gotten. However…I didn’t. I politely
replied that I was sorry this person was having a difficult time and felt the
need to take it out on me. My question
was with good intent and not personal.
And I left it at that. The words
went over and over in my mind like laundry tumbling in a dryer. I forgave the
unjustified berating, but my heart wouldn’t let it go. I had to ask God to help me move on and stop
dwelling on it.
Sometimes we get hit with things other people do that we
can’t control. We can, however, choose our own actions and words. It’s better
to stop and think than to spew words or insults that we can’t take back. I will
admit there have been times when I have chosen incorrectly. But my heart longs for peace and it hates
fighting and arguing. This world is full of pain and strife without my adding
to the mix.
There are lessons for both sides that we can take away from
this.
- We can refrain from hurting people we care about by following 1 Corinthians 13:7. “Love is ever ready to believe the best of every person…” (Amp Bible) Give people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t automatically assume that people are out to hurt you. Most of them, or at least the people you have relationships with, are not. Consider the character of the person and your past experience with them. Does your assumption line up?
- Be Wise – Hold your tongue – Proverbs 29:11 “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man holds it in check.” Proverbs 18:2 “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”
- Keep Calm – Proverbs 14:29 “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.” James 1:19,20 “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God."
- Pursue Peace – Proverbs 20:3 “It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.” Psalm 34:14 “Turn from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it.”
- Forgive – Mathew 6:14,15 “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
- It would also be helpful to remember the old saying, “Hurting people hurt people.” While this is no excuse for us to pass on our hurt, this awareness can help to soften the blow. And we can calm our emotions by actually praying for them instead of retaliating.
- Finally, remember that our enemy is not each other. It is Satan. Ephesians 6:12 “For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Don’t be a tool for the devil to use to cause strife and discord.